brooke white - hold up my heart

you know what gives you a whole load of time to think? staying in camp does and id like to think that im a firm believer of that saying...

had my uncle not brought my mum, my sis and i to church, i dont think i wouldve been able to meet so many nice people along the way whom all have guided me along my faith back then although i will admit shamelessly that my faith has depleted a ton if not all.

had my parents decided not to shift from jurong to choa chu kang at year five of my primary school, i wouldnt be the slightest 'religious' and more cultivated to mass services and holy hymns in st anthonys. i wouldnt know that jurong was such a 'notorious beng/lian' area as well and that the residents of choa chu kang love to travel all the way down to town since the buses are always packed as hell. i wouldve probably still remained as a good boy since i only started learning the bad vulgar languages from the girls back then.

had i not scored so average (or low, if you must) for my PSLE, i wouldnt have enrolled myself into assumption english and would probably be in some normal stream in a boys school. but if it wasnt for assumption, i wouldnt have met lui yee, cheryl, andy, hidayat, yuan jin, apple, lilia, darren and some of the other few that i still hold so dearly to my heart.

had i not done so poorly in my prelims, i wouldnt have got into millenia institute which i then dropped out after two weeks because i became so lazy and stubborn to be accustomed to a school all over again. one of my regrets i would say cos i think had i stayed on, i would stayed in yishun junior college after.

had i not screwed up my JAE selection and understood the simple instructions of how to go about applying the schools for my tertiary education, i wouldnt have ended up in yishun junior college for four days, got into nanyang polytechnic only to withdraw before school term and desperately appealing myself into a course that i was never a wee bit interested in ngee ann polytechnic.

but had i not got into ngee ann polytechnic, i wouldnt have made the frenemies. yes im refering to enemies-turned-into-friends like annette and daphne. i didnt think i would be talking to either of them come two years later but every once in a while you start reflecting why did you carry out certain actions you did in the past. and i have to blame it on being immature at that point of time whether it was a personality clash or stubborness on my part then. even though it took a while, and i mean towards our last year, im glad im still in contact with the guys annette, deepa, daphne, yuneng and xavier. those poly years wouldve been so mundane without you all.

had i not gone through tertiary education in ngee ann polytechnic, i wouldve never met the colleagues at asknlearn during my internship. even though we dont keep in contact anymore and though time there was miserable, it was a learning experience into the working industry then. it was that, that allowed me to have time to search for part time jobs at ing asia bank as a data entry and customer service officer at borneo motors. cant say i enjoyed my job fully at the former company since it was at the CBD area and most if not all would know that its daunting to be mixing with the age group over there but it was a real eye opener. however the time spent at borneo motors was a blast and that was the time when i knew i would choose job satisfaction over money anytime. thank you alan, angie, felicia (s), suhaimi, gerard, siti, katherine and john for all the wise teachings. i learnt a whole lot and was really loved by the colleagues there. i guess that was why i didnt wana leave but i was about to start a whole new other journey in the army.

had i not started army in september, i wouldnt have landed myself in pegasus company which im glad i did. at least it wasnt ninja or some torturous company that seeked pleasure in punishment. when they say you meet all kinds of people in army, trust me when i say it is entirely true. it is good exposure regardless because you learn how to work, trust and be wary of such characters. the time spent in tekong may have been difficult to get used to in the beginning but it gradually got better each time with all the marching practices, outfield exercises and mind-blowing tests. if i could have it my way i wouldve like to have at least six months of time at tekong but then again it all depends on the type of company that you have and i wouldnt have traded mine with zul, joel, alvin, jonathan, chokky, rabot, glenn, krishna, zuo yang, cheng yang, kumar, eric, conan, clement, justin and a few others during those three months.

had i not got diagnosed with bells palsy just two days before my POP in tekong in december, i wouldnt have got kicked out of course for my stay at stagmont the first week. and it was the defining moment in my NS life i gotta say. it is because of that condition that i find myself where i am right now. and i used to be really ungrateful about it thinking about the different possible places where i would be right now but i along with many others are trying to be grateful of the things we have in life at present.

had i not got kicked out of course, i wouldnt have got posted to signal institute as a temp staff where i met people like chun he, jeremy, bryner, isaac, alvin, sgt daphne & sgt kevan whom all made my stay in SI really pleasant till the point where i hated the idea of going back to course in march 2008.

had i not gone for my signal operator course in march i wouldnt have met people like kim sua, jeraj, li wei, tian seng, darrell, jason, william, jacksen, ivan (s), bradley, yang, willy, yuk wai, elson, dion and many others. we had a small platoon size and im glad it happened that way because it was so much easier to get to know one another. i just wished the duration of the course wouldve been longer because at least to me i felt like everything started to get better towards the end.

had i not ended my operator course around april/may 2008, i wouldnt have participated in operational exercises with some of the units as well as the SAF day parade where people like robert, hui wei, winston, yew wee, nantha and zifu made it all much less tense, funny as hell and enjoyable all at the same time. the rotating shifts were exhausting but that period of time was really relaxing and we all didnt want it to end.

had those 'prostitute-like-moments' not took place, i wouldnt have ended up in SI where i am today. i used to loathe going back seeing some of the faces which i dont get why now reflecting back; so much angst back then i think - out with that i hope. many would say the reorganizaton that took place once i went back sucked, but it was that, that gave me my appointment and my job. even though the job you have is so relaxing, at times there just isnt that job satisfaction that you wana achieve. nevermind about that since people would say ''its just the army". whether it is, you wana make the best out of every situation you find yourselve in and i guess thats probably the reason why i find myself staying in these days because who knows when you get to find yourselve 'living' with people like samuel, xuan hong, kenneth, nicholas, anthony, chien chi, zhilong and wee kiat. cliche as it always sounds, these people make the everyday-working-life less tense.

so if every one bit of that had changed, the kane wouldnt have been the same. but i guess maybe it wouldve been better to have a few changes here and there but nevertheless thats not the point, as far as im concerned, this whole entry is just going to be purely on appreciation.

call it emotional bullshit if you must but thank you to the people ive met along the twenty one years cos i feel like i gotta constantly remind myself to be grateful of what has happened. doesnt help when ive a mind that works like a eighty year old.