brooke white - hold up my heart

you know what gives you a whole load of time to think? staying in camp does and id like to think that im a firm believer of that saying...

had my uncle not brought my mum, my sis and i to church, i dont think i wouldve been able to meet so many nice people along the way whom all have guided me along my faith back then although i will admit shamelessly that my faith has depleted a ton if not all.

had my parents decided not to shift from jurong to choa chu kang at year five of my primary school, i wouldnt be the slightest 'religious' and more cultivated to mass services and holy hymns in st anthonys. i wouldnt know that jurong was such a 'notorious beng/lian' area as well and that the residents of choa chu kang love to travel all the way down to town since the buses are always packed as hell. i wouldve probably still remained as a good boy since i only started learning the bad vulgar languages from the girls back then.

had i not scored so average (or low, if you must) for my PSLE, i wouldnt have enrolled myself into assumption english and would probably be in some normal stream in a boys school. but if it wasnt for assumption, i wouldnt have met lui yee, cheryl, andy, hidayat, yuan jin, apple, lilia, darren and some of the other few that i still hold so dearly to my heart.

had i not done so poorly in my prelims, i wouldnt have got into millenia institute which i then dropped out after two weeks because i became so lazy and stubborn to be accustomed to a school all over again. one of my regrets i would say cos i think had i stayed on, i would stayed in yishun junior college after.

had i not screwed up my JAE selection and understood the simple instructions of how to go about applying the schools for my tertiary education, i wouldnt have ended up in yishun junior college for four days, got into nanyang polytechnic only to withdraw before school term and desperately appealing myself into a course that i was never a wee bit interested in ngee ann polytechnic.

but had i not got into ngee ann polytechnic, i wouldnt have made the frenemies. yes im refering to enemies-turned-into-friends like annette and daphne. i didnt think i would be talking to either of them come two years later but every once in a while you start reflecting why did you carry out certain actions you did in the past. and i have to blame it on being immature at that point of time whether it was a personality clash or stubborness on my part then. even though it took a while, and i mean towards our last year, im glad im still in contact with the guys annette, deepa, daphne, yuneng and xavier. those poly years wouldve been so mundane without you all.

had i not gone through tertiary education in ngee ann polytechnic, i wouldve never met the colleagues at asknlearn during my internship. even though we dont keep in contact anymore and though time there was miserable, it was a learning experience into the working industry then. it was that, that allowed me to have time to search for part time jobs at ing asia bank as a data entry and customer service officer at borneo motors. cant say i enjoyed my job fully at the former company since it was at the CBD area and most if not all would know that its daunting to be mixing with the age group over there but it was a real eye opener. however the time spent at borneo motors was a blast and that was the time when i knew i would choose job satisfaction over money anytime. thank you alan, angie, felicia (s), suhaimi, gerard, siti, katherine and john for all the wise teachings. i learnt a whole lot and was really loved by the colleagues there. i guess that was why i didnt wana leave but i was about to start a whole new other journey in the army.

had i not started army in september, i wouldnt have landed myself in pegasus company which im glad i did. at least it wasnt ninja or some torturous company that seeked pleasure in punishment. when they say you meet all kinds of people in army, trust me when i say it is entirely true. it is good exposure regardless because you learn how to work, trust and be wary of such characters. the time spent in tekong may have been difficult to get used to in the beginning but it gradually got better each time with all the marching practices, outfield exercises and mind-blowing tests. if i could have it my way i wouldve like to have at least six months of time at tekong but then again it all depends on the type of company that you have and i wouldnt have traded mine with zul, joel, alvin, jonathan, chokky, rabot, glenn, krishna, zuo yang, cheng yang, kumar, eric, conan, clement, justin and a few others during those three months.

had i not got diagnosed with bells palsy just two days before my POP in tekong in december, i wouldnt have got kicked out of course for my stay at stagmont the first week. and it was the defining moment in my NS life i gotta say. it is because of that condition that i find myself where i am right now. and i used to be really ungrateful about it thinking about the different possible places where i would be right now but i along with many others are trying to be grateful of the things we have in life at present.

had i not got kicked out of course, i wouldnt have got posted to signal institute as a temp staff where i met people like chun he, jeremy, bryner, isaac, alvin, sgt daphne & sgt kevan whom all made my stay in SI really pleasant till the point where i hated the idea of going back to course in march 2008.

had i not gone for my signal operator course in march i wouldnt have met people like kim sua, jeraj, li wei, tian seng, darrell, jason, william, jacksen, ivan (s), bradley, yang, willy, yuk wai, elson, dion and many others. we had a small platoon size and im glad it happened that way because it was so much easier to get to know one another. i just wished the duration of the course wouldve been longer because at least to me i felt like everything started to get better towards the end.

had i not ended my operator course around april/may 2008, i wouldnt have participated in operational exercises with some of the units as well as the SAF day parade where people like robert, hui wei, winston, yew wee, nantha and zifu made it all much less tense, funny as hell and enjoyable all at the same time. the rotating shifts were exhausting but that period of time was really relaxing and we all didnt want it to end.

had those 'prostitute-like-moments' not took place, i wouldnt have ended up in SI where i am today. i used to loathe going back seeing some of the faces which i dont get why now reflecting back; so much angst back then i think - out with that i hope. many would say the reorganizaton that took place once i went back sucked, but it was that, that gave me my appointment and my job. even though the job you have is so relaxing, at times there just isnt that job satisfaction that you wana achieve. nevermind about that since people would say ''its just the army". whether it is, you wana make the best out of every situation you find yourselve in and i guess thats probably the reason why i find myself staying in these days because who knows when you get to find yourselve 'living' with people like samuel, xuan hong, kenneth, nicholas, anthony, chien chi, zhilong and wee kiat. cliche as it always sounds, these people make the everyday-working-life less tense.

so if every one bit of that had changed, the kane wouldnt have been the same. but i guess maybe it wouldve been better to have a few changes here and there but nevertheless thats not the point, as far as im concerned, this whole entry is just going to be purely on appreciation.

call it emotional bullshit if you must but thank you to the people ive met along the twenty one years cos i feel like i gotta constantly remind myself to be grateful of what has happened. doesnt help when ive a mind that works like a eighty year old.

leona lewis - run

five hours of sleep is what ive been surviving on always. dont get me wrong i love sleeping but i dislike arranging time for it if that makes any sense. it has to be spontaneous as and when im feeling tired.

come saturday, its the end of february and correct me if im wrong when i say that time has been moving pass really fast. so much so that i wish i could put it on standstill. everyone in the army probably wished the other way and i guess im only saying this because right at this point of my life, im supposed to finally get down to decide the type of study or work path that i wish to take. no i still dont have an answer yet and im still searching... and the thought is scary.

okay so this is going to be so random on record but lately ive been finding myself not accomplishing so much in life be it the small or big ones. i think its the constant fear of things that acts as a hindrance to many of them. dont you just wish you had a miracle pill to take away such troubles.

lilly allen - the fear

i cant describe how much i hated every passing hour the past two days. from getting a new computer to not being able to connect them until the very next day to make a trip down back to the same building and not having them work again.

if this is the type of customer service that im gona get, all i can say is that they jolly well get ready to suffer the wrath from me. if i who once worked as a customer service officer got screwed up down left right, im sure i picked up a few of their nasty habits. but that side of me will come up only when i think its required when theyve crossed the boundaries of not doing a proper job of sales and service.

yes screw you challenger. you should be glad i stopped there and then because i was ready to go on for another hour and demanded more. oh and thats not all, starhub can just wait in line too, they had it coming. for making me pay my monthly bill only to receive selective text messages. if they wish to play scam game, the public oughts to know about it and i will gladly do their free promotion.

sure i feel sorry for the customer service officer who is taking the fall for the company, so if they cannot do anything about it, fair enough direct me to someone whos able to assist me in it. id really like to hear their explanation and it better be something substantial.

angst aside, i can continue that on them another day. im feeling bittersweet about my computer purchase because firstly now i have a lcd tv in the room to equip the wii that we planned to get but now im stuck using a cpu with a vista os that ive heard numerous problems about. damn technology sometimes, i cant keep up with that race.

craig david - insomnia

ironically, insomnia is very much different from what im feeling right now. instead im feeling extremely lethargic in all sense of the body. all that resulted to two consecutive overnight stays in camp, one from a steamboat and the other from an exercise.

i think i speak for everyone in my company when i say we feel zombified and i can put my money on it that almost everyone if not all, are asleep with heavy snores in their bed this very moment.

so you know how sometimes you dislike something so much that when you decide to give it a try, you think 'hey it isnt so bad afterall'. well thats how i feel about staying in camp on wednesday and thursday this week. we finally had our much discussed about steamboat and at least to me, it was a success minus the blackout that caused quite a few funny incidents not to mention a very not-sobre me.

the only reason i can think why staying in is a good idea is that as cliche as it always sound, it strengthens the friendship you have with each other. which leads me to something that i spoke about to my sergeant last night when i told him that looking forward to ORD seems almost bittersweet. it feels like you dont want happy times with them to end yet you yearn for that normal life you had without all the restrictions before you enlisted into the army.

doesnt help when youve no exact idea what you plan to do with your life unlike those whove already planned and set their eyes on university. lets just say being an air steward almost sounds too imaginary of a job plus it isnt exactly very easy to be one. before i go off topic, i guess what im trying to remind myself is that i realized im only left with seven months in the army and im going to make the best of my time in it and enjoying it with the people at work who makes it really easy.

ciara feat. young jeezy - never ever

you step into a cab and realize the starting meter is $5 instead of the usual $2.80. what do you do? well i just sat through the chrysler cab that i stupidly hailed but thank god it was a short journey. still, whatever i paid at the end of the trip was double the amount of what i was required to pay for any regular cab. okay so i learnt my lesson.

malaysia's traffic irks me and if i ever had a car, i dont think ill ever muster up enough courage to drive in. did i say mention how they like tailgating someone from the back. though malaysia seems so backdated when it comes to comparison with singapore, i get the feeling that it isnt as stressful as it is living here, singapore will probably always be fast pace for anyone.

indeed they are one of the tops when it comes to 'pirates'. and i have to shamefully admit in being one of those customers sucked in by it. you resort to that when you dont have enough income!

everythings so cheap there that i think im down with a sore throat and soon fever thanks to kfc, j.co donuts and kim gary. :(

the killers - spaceman

at times i wish this space was more public. then again on second thoughts maybe not.

ill probably be extremely critical and mindful of what i include in every entry. i am a dramatic-less person though that may sound surprising. moreover once bitten twice shy huh, i can still remember that very incident that send shockwaves through my body. thankful that it wasnt blown out of proportion and it ended there and then.

theres been some changes to the travel plans and i cant say im bummed or happy about it. japan was probably too expensive to begin with so out with that which leaves my yearly hong kong trip that i swear upon. thing is, not everyone wants to go hong kong which puzzles me, okay so maybe it isnt that exciting but once youre there its a whole new feeling i kid you not.

anyway besides getting down to 'the search for the next hong kong travel partner', the sis and i have decided to make a trip down to bangkok cos im intrigued by both the cheap-ass food and clothes, plus i wont even need so much since its more female-friendly when it comes to shopping.

so that directly affects my saving plans cos ive been forcing and i stress *force* myself to an expenditure of about two hundred a month. yes i am that determined when i want something. which leaves me extra cash and i am extremely tempted to get many things.

first, my cameras spoilt, it cannot even be switched on. how my sis used it bangkok i will have no clue but so help me god if CANON decides to give me trouble by not replacing it, they will get it.

and theres my really 'koyak' laptop that ive been struggling with for three years, yes i think its clock is ticking and im giving serious thought about getting the iMAC desktop. cheap, looks good and i do not wana use windows vista which ive heard crazy things about. okay so thats two gadgets and it doesnt end there. i really think ill be able to jump on board with the idea of getting a nintendo wii if my sister is still up for it. its so addictive and i cannot say no to guitar hero laaaaaa. besides, if i even host any house events, we wont just be staring at each other umhmm-ing, mahjong or poker. the nintendo wii will be my crowd pleaser ho ho ho.

this is the part where the financial advisor should step in and wake me up with a few slaps.

so a little off topic but,
re-enacting santa claus is me goal tomorrow :D